The Date Inquisitor

Another adventure of my online dating routine involved a woman from West Seattle named “Carrie”.  We met online, and bounced several emails back and forth.  Her profile seemed impressive, and she seemed very attractive.  Our conversations were far and greatly spaced, and it seemed like it was going nowhere.  I stated bluntly in an email that we both could find out more about each other in 5 minutes of conversation than we could through a month of emails.  Reluctantly Carrie accepted my offer to meet up for dinner near Alki where a delicious Thai restaurant was located. 

I showed up a little early, and to my amazement, she was precisely on time.  Her photos did her justice, because she looked stunning.  Her walk was a bit hurried, and she appeared to be annoyed from the get-go.  I was polite, greeted her, asked about her day, and what not.  Eventually, she seemed to relax a bit more and loosen up in conversation.   Despite this, Carrie retained a bit of a condescending tone within her voice.  I initially dismissed this as perhaps a form of an assertive personality, but gradually she became a bit more aggressive in her demeanor.  The fact that the chef got her order wrong didn’t help matters.  Carrie appeared to be agitated for some reason.  When I started probing to find out what was bothering her, she started bringing up stories of her ex-boyfriend.  Apparently he was a real charmer, and “nice guy” only for her to find out later that he was a chronic liar and cheat. 

I politely requested that we not start talking about our exes on our first date.  Then things started turning sour.  In her most high-and-mighty tone, Carrie snipped, “Alright, let’s talk about you, shall we?” From that point onward, she unleashed a full blown inquisition about extremely graphic and invasive questions.  Many of these inquiries required clarification in order to answer accurately.  I was given no opportunity to gather such.  Any hesitation or request for her to be more specific as what she meant was seen as a “wrong answer” for her.  One after the other, she bombarded me with questions, and hardly allowing me to speak in between.   “How many women have you slept with?  What are their names?  Have you ever lied to a woman?  Are you lying to me right now?  How long did your last relationship last?  What did you do to her since you’re no longer together?  Are you still together?  Who is she?”

At this point I was looking for the “Eject button” near my seat, but much to my dismay, none existed.  As the minutes progressed, Carrie became increasingly rude, judgmental, and only hearing what she wanted to hear.  It got to the point where I got so irritated and fed up that I had contemplated just standing up, walking out, and leaving her there with the bill.  I nearly felt justified in doing so with how unpleasant this woman had become over the course of a half hour.  I then saw the waiter, and asked for the check.  The waiter came by and could tell that things were not going over well.  The poor guy thought we were upset because of the botched order, so he again apologized and insisted upon giving us a complimentary dessert for the mishap.  I politely declined because I simply wanted to leave at this point.  My date had transformed into a snotty little brat that was overly eager to accuse me of all the crimes of her past boyfriends.  Despite my reluctance to the complimentary dessert, the waiter brought it by anyways.  Thankfully it wasn't elaborate, and shut my date up as she scarfed it down in a refreshing moment of awkward silence.

When the bill came by, it was given to me.  I contemplated suggesting that we split the bill.  However, many mental alarms were blaring inside my head about the calculated risk of an emotionally unstable woman.  I had the strong impression that if I were to make such a request, that she would likely make a public scene of my imagined misogynistic ways.  To avoid further hostility, I signed for the check, and we left.  As I went through the door she continued walking towards the parking lot without looking back and without saying a word of gratitude for her free meal.

How can people feel the slightest bit justified in behaving this way?  I didn’t go on another date for months after this encounter.