"Grow Up and be a Man"

One of my college flings was with a girl referred to as Lisa.  Lisa was slightly older than me, but was very active, outgoing, and enjoyed doing things outdoor.  She also kept herself physically fit, and occasionally ran marathons.  Her closer friends I didn’t have anything in common with, which was a bit concerning, but didn’t bother me all that much.  I didn’t think I really had a chance with Lisa, as I didn’t feel I fit in with her social group, and the fact that I was younger, might have been to my disadvantage.  Lisa seemed to have a rather strict upbringing, and she’d often talk about how strict her father was.  He’s an ex-Marine and didn’t respond well to guys she’d bring by.  Lisa seemed pretty religious as well. Ironically, I noticed that in her history according to social media, there were a few collections of her getting drunk and partying up at bars with her friends.  I dismissed this as possibly being confused, or “finding themselves”, etc.

At one social gathering, I somehow asked her out on a date, and she agreed much to my astonishment.  Perhaps it had something to do with the coincidence that I was visiting Moab to go mountain biking with friends/family on the same weekend that she had a marathon down there.  We met up for a few hikes and shared a campsite.  I assume she might have felt like I had traveled out there just for her race, and felt quite flattered that I’d travel a few hours out there just to surprise her.  Anyways, she had agreed to go on a date with me, and I wanted it to be something fun because she was an easily excited and energetic young woman to be around.

One evening I wanted to go out in the desert and have a bonfire, roast marshmallows, and watch meteors.  I packed up a good amount of free firewood from a construction area that had a scrap bin open to the public.  I went to pick Lisa up and met her father.  He was large, still possessed big muscles from working out, military tattoos, overly tan, and smelled heavily of garlic and oil.  While Lisa was getting ready still, I had a chance to talk with her father who was notorious for frightening any romantic interests of Lisa.  He shook my hand with the intent of crushing my bones, so I responded likewise and made a few of his (or my) knuckles pop.  He then started a bit into some invasive questions to catch me off guard, but I had no shame in either answering them in a manner vague enough to be widely open for interpretation and to get any resolution or follow-up would put the questioner in a very awkward position in asking a highly inappropriate and personal question.   I asked for some water, and that seemed to throw things off unintentionally as an “alpha-move”, as it kinda shifted the way he responded to me.  Possibly because I at first introduced myself as a geeky engineer, forgetting momentarily that such a proclamation in Utah is seen as weakness and derogatory.  Yet, somehow we got onto the topic of ammo, firearms, and guns.  I then uncorked a torrent of information which made his eyes expand with interest as we had a common topic we were passionate about.  By the time Lisa came out, he was laughing and we were chatting up just fine.  She was a bit shocked, and possibly disappointed that we were bonding just fine.  She had assumed that I would be uncomfortable and squirming with her dad intimidating me. 

We departed and we were both hungry.  I had a full agenda of things to do that evening so we stopped at the nearest Subway to grab some sandwiches.  They had a drive-thru which saved us some time.  We munched sandwiches as we blasted music out towards the desert.  I discovered unintentionally that one of her favorite bands was NIN.  She had some sort of major crush on Trent Reznor and got super excited whenever a song by NIN came on one of my CD mixes.  It was odd though, because she seemed conflicted.  She wanted to listen to more, but was under the impression that it was “bad” and possibly had some religious conflicts with the music.  I’d flip to the next track just to avoid any complications.

We eventually arrived in Skull Valley out where I wanted to have a fire and stargaze.  However, it was a lot darker than I thought it was going to be at that time, and the roads were a bit difficult to see.  There was moisture in the soil and things were a bit slippery.  The road I wanted to go up was really steep that had a nice little plateau where I was planning on setting up our little site.  The dirt road looked muddy and slippery, so I figured I’d need some speed and momentum to pull ourselves up, even with 4 wheel drive.  I got some speed, and the slick road pushed me to the right.  I didn’t think it was too bad, because there was just sage brush there.  However, that thought was rudely interrupted by a shocking THUD as the Suzuki came to a complete stop.  The steering wheel lurched to the side hard enough to hurt my wrist.  I’m amazed none of the airbags deployed in the impact.  The engine stalled, and we slowly slid down the slope backwards.  I was then momentarily terrified that we were in the absolute middle of the desert, pretty far from a paved road, and miles from a highway, in the middle of the night.  It would be a long walk before we would reach anyone who could help, as there isn’t any cell service out that far.  I cautiously tried the steering wheel, and it still appeared to work, and I got the Suzuki started again, much to my amazement.  A few cautious movements of the SUV made me a bit more confident that we weren’t totally screwed.  I rocked it into low 4WD, and we were able to eventually climb to the top of the hill where we parked and got a fire started.

The fire was nice and warm, as the dark desert got really cold.  There were a few glimpses of stars, but high clouds obscured a lot of the sky.  We had 2 camping chairs next to each other and shared a blanked while we made conversation in the night and roasted a few marshmallows.  I didn’t pack too much firewood, and the inferno reduced to coals rather quickly and the temperature dropped a bit more.   I could tell Lisa was hoping to get back into a warm vehicle and head back home.  On the way back, perhaps the euphoria of getting back to paved road and “civilization” put Lisa in a better mood.  I was concerned because my steering alignment was REALLY off, and I could just feel the tires wearing out through miles and miles of interstate travel.  I suggested that she come over and watch a movie or tv show with me that evening and she seemed excited to do so.  Lisa’s goofy mood made for some enlightening conversation, possibly from a marshmallow induced sugar high.  She commented on how one particular song reminded her of one of her favorites by NIN.  I then scrolled through my MP3 collection and found that very song which she excitedly danced to and sang some of the lyrics.  Afterwards she confessed that hearing NIN made her extremely horny.  I continued to play NIN the whole way back to SLC, and she didn’t object in the slightest degree.  By the time we got to my apartment she seemed pretty worked up.  We might have put on a show, but I don’t remember.  I only remember being pounced on and we made out ferociously for about a half hour.  I lifted her up and carried her to my bedroom.  At first she seemed slightly reluctant, but then went crazy again with desire.  Things heated up rapidly, but all of our clothes remained on.  Soon she was grinding on me with a fevered animalistic drive. She started getting really excited… and, um … extremely excited until she collapsed, trembled slightly, and bit down on her shirt trying hard to suppress or muffle her moans.

I was of course excited too, but not nearly to the degree she had just achieved.  I was a bit shocked things had escalated to that point with neither of us removing as much as a sock.  Lisa took some time to catch her breath, and went quickly to the bathroom.  I was conflicted and a little worried.  I was still really excited, but dampened with confusion as what to do now.  She came back with a guilt-ridden expression like she had just done something horrible.  Lisa told me she felt guilty of what had happened, despite my assurance that she didn’t offended me.  She eventually started to sound like she was holding back tears, and I offered to take her home.  Lisa had muttered something about me preying upon her by using music to get her all worked up, but said so in a half-joking way where I couldn’t tell if she was upset, or making light of the situation.  Towards the end of the drive I could tell she harbored some bad feelings towards me due to her tone of voice.  I chalked it up to a lesson to her personality, and we said our goodbyes.  A few weeks later after a few random texts/emails we agreed to meet up for another date.  Lisa said she loved sushi, and had one of her favorite restaurants she wanted to go to.  She said she wanted to “hold back” a bit and take things slower, and I agreed that wouldn’t be a problem.  I even suggested that we go as a double/group date.  She seemed highly receptive of the idea and sounded a bit more relieved. 

I made some calls to some buddies and got a number of friends excited about having a sushi night out.  The restaurant was really close to where Lisa lived and she told me she’d just meet me there.  I showed up with some of my friends who all had a blast.  Lisa didn’t show up.  I called her, and it went to voicemail.  Left a message, but she never responded.  I got stood up.  Worse yet, a number of my friends got to witness me being stood up.  One of which wasn’t one of my better friends, and proceeded to make fun of me about it, making me feel awful.  By the end of the night I was in an absolutely miserable mood.  I hated everyone there, and didn’t want to talk to anyone.  I also noticed that I was overcharged on one of my sushi rolls.  When I confronted the waiter, she said there was an additional cost because they added some extra sauce that I didn’t ask for.  I was a lot more offended than I should have been, but I simply paid the bill without a tip.  I never returned to that restaurant, nor did I hang out with the idiot who relentlessly harassed me about being stood up that night.
I was pretty angry towards Lisa, but allowed myself some time to cool off before I made any judgments about what happened that night, and why she didn’t show up.  I did call her back about a week later and brought up our sushi-night.  She apologized and said that she “fell asleep” that night and didn’t wake up until the next morning.  It sounded suspicious, yet slightly plausible.  She didn’t have the decency to call me afterward or return my voicemail, so I was still pretty upset by it all.  I didn’t contact her for a while later.

There were several other encounters and conversational exchanges for several months between us.  However, we were both going through stressful school courses, and often didn't have much time to meet up or do activities.  Sometimes it seemed like we were just out of sync.  Other times tempers were short, and she'd lash out.  One occasion dealt with on social media, one of her friends named Chad was being verbally abusive to Lisa. In his steroid-fueled rant of hostility there were various fallacies and contradictions.  I toyfully commented below calling him out on his douchbaggery and in jest, exposed his doublestandards for everyone to see what an abusive and illogical asshole he was being.  It did not go over well.  He threatened and ranted on about how he could do this and that to me, etc etc. but that didn't bother me too much.  That seemed to be his "thing", barking like an angry dog.  Lisa however confronted me later rebuking me for "starting things" with Chad and how he could "have me for lunch" if he wanted to.  In a foolish reflex I said, "No, he couldn't.  I wouldn't let him.  If he physically attacked me, I'd put two rounds in his chest and one in his head without hesitation."  Lisa knew that I was an active competitive pistol marksman just as Chad was active in body-building competitions. She made sure that Chad and I were never in the same place, as she seemed sure he would try to take things physically with me.  Thus resulted in her avoiding me entirely.  Lisa ended up taking Chad's side, even after admitting he was an "abusive asshole" but simply excused his behavior because, "that's just the way he is, and there's nothing anyone can do about it." She ran off with him for a bit before it ended in a way one would expect.  Luckily she wasn't physically harmed that I could tell, and started texting me again a few months later.

My cousin planned a campout a ways south of SLC where we were going to explore some dinosaur tracks and canyons.  Lisa had contacted me expressing interest to do something or get out of town, hoping for another experience like we had in Moab.  I told her what I had planned for the weekend and asked her if she was interested in coming along.  She was very receptive and expressed excitement about the idea of going out camping again.  There might have been a lunar eclipse that evening as well, so it added to the enthusiasm.  Lisa informed me that she had to work that afternoon, so would only be able to get there after 6pm or later.   Not a big issue, since my cousin had to work that afternoon as well.  I offered to drive, but Lisa convinced me that she would be easier just to leave work and head straight there.  It was agreed that I’d get there early to make sure we had a campsite, since there was some other event going on that weekend which might limit available sites.

I got there about an hour or so before the sun went down, setup camp, paid the fees for our site, and setup tents.  I unloaded a few grocery-store packaged bundles of firewood next to the fire-pit and put up my chairs.  I realized I didn’t have a cell signal where I was, but I made note of the GPS coordinates of where the campsite was.  I then got in my car and drove it near the highway so I could get a signal.  I then sent off a mass text to my cousin, his wife, and Lisa describing the precise location of our camp and not to worry about us getting a spot for the evening.  I received confirmation from all parties.  Lisa said, “Great!  I’m off work at 6!” Then later on, “Alright, I see the site on the map.  I’ll see you there!”  I returned to camp only to catch some other campers red-handed stealing my firewood I had purchased.  I confronted them, and they tried to play it off, “Oh we didn’t think all this was yours”.  They then returned one bundle in hand, and tried keeping the other.  I walked over to their site where the other was resting, and without any words snatched it up returning it to where it was earlier.  The guy who took it stammered his objection, “Oh, that one wasn’t yours too!  Was it?”  I kinda snapped back, “Of course it was!  Stay out of my campsite!”  I then considered packing up and moving, but I had already paid for that specific lot, and didn’t want to drive out to the highway with another text updating the GPS location.  A few hours pass, and I didn’t hear back from Lisa.  I found that I could hike up to the top of the bluff and get a small signal where I could send texts.  Around 7:00 I decided to go up for a hike.  I discovered my cousin was almost to camp, but I didn’t get a confirmation from Lisa.  I sent her a text asking how far out she was.  My cousin and his wife arrived.  We joked around a bit, started a fire and started to eat some supper.  We laughed about the other campers who tried stealing my firewood.   Things were looking up.  However, I didn’t hear back from Lisa.  I went for frequent hikes up to the bluffs to check to see if I had any messages.  Still nothing.  It wasn’t until 9pm when I couldn’t get the idea that something had gone wrong.  Did she get lost?  Did she get in a car accident?  Did she forget something and have to go home?  I tried calling her.  No answer.  Left her a voicemail asking where she was, since we were expecting her well over an hour ago.  Still no response.  Around 9:30 I went back up to the bluffs and sent another text where I expressed my concern, hoping there wasn’t an accident, and pleading her to let me know where she was.  I was about to pack my things, too distracted that something had gone wrong and I had to go find cell service and perhaps try to track her down.

When I did get to cell service again, it was about 10pm and Lisa had sent a text message in response to my frantic concern,
Lisa: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “Where are you?  I thought you’d be here hours ago!” 
Lisa: “Oh, I’m at home.”
Me: ….   
Me:  Are you still planning on coming out here?
Lisa: “Nope.  Sorry.”
I was enraged.  That was the second time she blew me off like that.  I then had to confront my cousin and his wife that my date had “other plans” and couldn’t make it… but I wasn’t skilled enough to hide the emotions of bitter hostility, resentment, and rage.  The rest of the trip was alright I suppose.  My cousin and wife helped distract me with exploring canyons the following day, and I even discovered some dinosaur tracks unknown to the local paleontologists! 
Still, I was completely appalled that someone could totally blow off plans like that in such a manner that Lisa did to me.  It left me unresolved and frustrated that I couldn’t find adequate motive or reason behind such behavior.  Eventually curiosity got the best of me, and I had to know.  I texted her rather bluntly:

Me: “So why did you bail out on our camping plans?”
Lisa: “I didn’t bail out!  I just didn’t want to go.”
Me: “You sounded excited about going, and more importantly, you told me multiple times you were coming.  I was really worried that you had gotten in an accident all night, and you could have let me know you were going to stay home!”
Lisa: “You’re making it into such a big deal, jeeze.  Grow up and be a man about it.  You’re a bad influence on me anyways.”

That was the final sting I needed to cut her out of my life entirely from then on.  What was a bit more enraging was that she had posted on social media a bunch of photos of her out binge drinking with her buddies, and getting completely wasted in an album entitled “Bend-over at Wendover”.  Then to think of her words of me being a “bad influence”, made me scoff in disbelief.  Before I unfriended her, I saw a photo of her barely wearing any clothes and wrapped all over some emotionally detached meat-head in USMC military attire along with a caption, “Here’s what a REAL man looks like."

It was pretty revolting on multiple levels.  I removed her from my life at that point and moved on. 
Though, this is one of those stories that doesn’t end there.  Years later I was working as a Field Engineer, and I frequented SLC as a central hub for various assignments.  One day I was out near Sandy, and there was a large YSA dance gathering at the local aquarium that was advertised on social media.  They had the aquarium rented out and it was a massive dance party.  Sounded like fun.  I arrived, didn’t know anyone, and most the people there seemed to gravitate towards their own social groups, and were not very friendly towards "outsiders".  I attempted to strike up conversation with people, but they were rather rude and off-putting.   I was definitely an “outsider” and any woman remotely attractive was so full of snobbery and looks of sneering disgust, that it made the whole event rather pointless.  It brought up too many unpleasant memories of dating in Utah.  I was on my way out, when I thought I recognized someone.  It “almost” looked like Lisa.  It couldn’t be though.  Maybe an older sister?  No, she didn’t have any sisters.  Maybe an older cousin perhaps?  Maybe.   I stood around awkwardly trying to figure a way out to ask her if her name was Lisa.  At times, she had a strong resemblance, but I thought she was taller.  If it were Lisa, she had let herself go physically, and also looked about 10 years older.  She looked…. well… old.  She was only 2 years older than me, but she appeared maybe 3-4 times that.  I realized I’d likely never see her again, and just to satisfy my curiosity I’d go ask.

During the few minutes I had debated this, she had been in an unbroken conversation with someone there, so I interrupted, asking if her name was Lisa.  Indeed it was!  Same last name?  Yup!  She didn’t even recognize me, but I felt that’d be too creepy if I just turned around and left.  I made casual conversation for a bit, and suddenly recognized me.  She rattled on about her life somewhat hesitantly but with a sense of insincere enthusiasm.  Turns out she moved back into her parent’s home, no longer is employed at her dream job, and seemed to be struggling a bit with direction in life.  A juvenile part of my mind made a point to mention that for the last few years I had been traveling the world working as a field engineer, and things haven’t been better, but I kept my mouth shut.  I almost felt bad for her, but realized she had started spiraling into that lifestyle when I last saw her years ago.  That also forced myself to remember how horrible she was to me and the way she treated me.  I politely excused myself never to look back again.