Open My Door Slave!

Here’s another popular one that happened recently.

Ever since college graduation, my desire to play video games has reduced dramatically, and no longer seems to be a temptation of any kind.  Something probably having to do with stress management.    However, I had built a fancy computer with a powerful graphics card for my various photo/video editing tasks.  I purchased Boarderlands 2 with the intent of playing online with several of my friends who were active in the game.  I reserved one evening where I was going to play online with my brother for several hours.   As my brother and I started gaming online a girl we’ll refer to as Lisa called me up.

I had met Lisa about a week prior at some church dinner party.  I had prepared a delicious baked and spiced vegetable dish that was very popular, and gained the attention of a few ladies at the event.  Lisa was one of them, and she set her sights on me.  I was happy to have nice looking and flirtatious dinner company who seemed to do quite well in holding a conversation.  She seemed nice, and put off strong vibes that she’d like to see me again, so I we exchanged phone numbers. 

Lisa called me up and asked if I was busy that evening.  I told her I was just playing video games with my brother.  Lisa told me that we were going to go on a date instead.  “Oh, really?”  I joked.  She then told me about a dance she thought would be really fun to attend.   I thought about it a bit.   Sit here at home and play video games, or go out and get to know a cute girl who seemed really friendly with even the initiative of calling me up.  I agreed to go.  Lisa told me, “Great, the dance is out in Tacoma and you can pick me up at 8 o clock”. Then hung up. 

Okay, so apparently she is expecting me to drive.   I suppose that is acceptable if she offers to help pay for gas since the area in Tacoma is about a 45 minute drive away.  I got ready and drove out to Lisa’s house at exactly 8 o clock. I parked in front of the driveway by the street, and approached her front door.  I knocked, and waited.  Then waited some more.  Then knocked and waited again.  I was about to return to my truck to make sure I had the right address, but I saw Lisa in the upstairs window on her phone.  She waved at me, and then disappeared from view again.  I continued to wait outside for a minute or two as it started raining, until I became annoyed and returned to my truck.  I tried calling her, but the phone went straight to voicemail.  I sat there in my truck for several more minutes, until I saw movement by the side of the house.  Lisa was walking towards my truck, so I got out greeting her.   We made small talk as we walked to my truck.  She stood next to the passenger door then looked at me, stating, “Ahem.”  I honestly thought she was being facetious, so I played along and opened the door for her while sarcastically uttering, “Mah  Lady.” 

The drive out to Tacoma was long, but the conversation was nice.  We got to the parking lot at the dance, parked, and I got out walking to the doors.  It was silent behind me, and I looked back only to see Lisa still sitting in the truck.  Huh?  I was puzzled by this and returned to my truck and asked if she was coming.  Lisa asked me if I was opening the door for her.  I rolled my eyes and uttered, “For crying out loud.” Opened the door and escorted her to the building.  When I got to the doors, she stopped before the mat and allowing me to hold the door for her.  When she stepped through she thanked me for keeping the door open for her.  I still wasn’t sure if she was playing some type of game here, but I was not amused. 

The dance was alright.  I had a few fun dances to some songs, and the refreshments were pretty good too!  We had only been at the dance for about 20 minutes, when Lisa informed me she wanted to leave.  I asked, “Where to?”

“I don’t know, wherever.  I’m done with dancing.” Lisa replied. 

I commented,  “We just got here you know.  Are you sure you don’t want to give it some more time?”

Lisa said, “No, I’m ready to go now.  Let’s get some waffles or pancakes!” 

I shrugged, and left the dance with her.  Once again, she insisted that I open the doors for her.  When she stopped at my truck I asked, “Do you have trouble opening car doors?”  She retorted, “No, but you should open my door like a true gentleman.  I’m your date.”  I put no effort in hiding the look of annoyance and disgust on my face.  We drove to the nearest IHOP which was only about 10 minutes away.  When we arrived, Lisa changed her mind, and no longer craved waffles or breakfast.  I said, “It’s almost ten at night, we’re in Tacoma, you no longer want food, do you want to sit down inside and order coco or something?”

“No.  I don’t want to go inside a restaurant.”  Lisa replied. 

I asked, “Well, would you like to go back to the dance?”

“No.”

“Where would you like to go?  Shall I take you home?” I asked.

“I want to see the waterfront.” Lisa said.

There was only one spot that I was familiar with where one could see the Puget Sound waterfront that didn’t involve hiking or a steep walk down a dark path.  I drove to an area where I had to pull my truck in an area illegally and park in a questionable location where we could get near the water.  In the process of parking, someone was following my truck like a clueless lemming, and when I reached a dead-end they left me no room to turn around.  In the process of trying to execute a very tight turnaround, my trailer hitch slammed into a concrete pillar I hadn’t seen.  I swore loudly and unapologetically.  I was getting irritated, but eventually we were able to get out and see the waterfront.  We stood out there for a few minutes before it started raining.  Lisa made gestures like she was shivering, and baiting me to offer her my coat.  I didn’t feel like giving it to her, since I was wearing a very light layer underneath suitable for, go figure, DANCING.  It was her idea to be out here by the cold Puget sound in the early winter months, so I let her feel the discomfort of the cold and rain briefly. 

Lisa said, “I’m cold.  Could you lend me your..”
I interrupted, “Ya know, I am getting cold too, and it is getting late.  Why don’t we get out of here.” Then I returned to the truck.  Eager to put an end to the evening I opened the truck door and walked around to let myself in while the passenger door remained open.   Lisa got in and I rocked the truck forward, using the engine and Newton's First Law to close the door for her. 

The drive home was slightly awkward since I was in a bit of a bad mood at this point.  I got to Lisa’s house and pulled up in the driveway and said my goodbyes.  She asked me if I could walk her to the door because it was dark.  At my current state of mind, all methods of denial were a bit overly hostile and would make me feel like a total jackass.  Seeing that an easier and less awkward way out was just to get it over with, I obliged in the annoying gesture.  At her doorstep she asked me if I had plans for the New Year’s Dance.  Without thinking, I responded, “No.  Why?  Do you need a ride to that one too?”  Lisa snipped back with her first rude tone of the evening, “No.  I already have a date, so goodbye.”  Then she went inside. 

On my drive home, I realized I was really pissed off.  The one and only instance where I wish I had stayed home and played video games all night long.  In an email correspondence with a woman who knew Lisa and was giving out dating advice, I responded with this note:

“I enjoyed reading the dating tips.  Perhaps I may assist with adding a few.  I was asked out on a 1st date a few weeks back by a young lady. (It didn't turn out very well)  I'd like to bring up a few behavioral traits that I found to be distasteful and/or disrespectful.
  

She automatically expected me to provide transportation, even though she had determined the destination. Didn't bother to chip in for gas either. (not a huge deal, but annoying when she chooses a destination 45 minutes away)  

She wasn't ready upon my arrival at the predetermined pickup time.  (Also not a big deal, but it sure does leave a good impression that she values her date's time and punctuality.)   

Here's the big one, not necessarily the act itself, but the implications.She refused to enter or exit a vehicle (or any doorway) without having the door being opened for her.  I understand it is a nice gesture to open a door for your date, and I don't have a problem with that.  I do have a problem with the expectation and unnecessary/awkward delay it takes to walk all the way around the vehicle just to open the door after arriving at the destination(s).  It almost seems silly complaining about it, but I feel it has deeper meaning.  What type of message does that tell me?  When a simple action of lifting a door handle and stepping out of a car seems too much for a young lady to deal with, I tend to wonder what is really going on. What it really tells me is that such a woman does not respect me, but instead sees me as a tool, or object fit only for her servitude. (especially with the aforementioned behaviors) How can I seriously contemplate any sort of future with someone who treats me that way?  How does she see my role in a future relationship?  

We constantly hear about men objectifying women, but not so much the other way around and all the cultural traditions that stem from it.  Friendship and relationships evolve from mutual respect for each other. (At least in my experience)  When one does something nice, the other reciprocates and so forth.    

I don't mean to try and squash flirty traditions like opening a door for a date.  There are often times where such an action seems appropriate to bring an unexpected flare to an evening.  However, when it is expected, and stubborn refusal to pass through a doorway unless her man-servant obliges her imagined royalty, then we run into problems.   

I held my tongue during the evening, though I think my body language spoke volumes of my restrained irritation.  Sorry you have to hear my venting, but I thought it applicable to somehow fit into any "dating tips" you might hand to the ladies.   

Mutual respect is ESSENTIAL. “